Wednesday, October 05, 2011

Bent But Not Broken... A Message To The Horde

Well, Horde...I'm putting this here for a coupla reasons.  First, it's self-obsessed and sad.  Second, I'm sure TNC indulges me because I've been around forever, but really...he can't possibly enjoy his comment section befouled by my Miss Lonelyhearts musings.  I can feel him roll his eyes whenever I post.   But honestly, I waxed so breathlessly during August that I want to finish the overshare to y'all.

Anyway, for anyone who paid attention, I thought I found a great guy here in the mid to late afternoon of my life.  "Found" is incorrect.  Brother chased me for 18 months.  He was my age (fifties).  Had a career and a car and our politics aligned well enough. Great dates (food, dancing, convo).  Great, errrr, other stuff.  I was clear about my intentions for a relationship (as opposed to a quick hit which actually has its place and an option I actually offered) and he agreed his focus was on the relationship aspect.  I kept myself open because I didn't want my unlucky in love cynicism to jaundice the possibilities.  (I know big words too.)  I was beginning to be hopeful.  We had a date where I went over to his house, went out for sushi, laughed really hard during dinner, came back and listened to the amazing music on my iPod (on a real sound system).  I kissed him goodbye because he was going out of town for a family birthday.  Great kiss, too.

And then nothing.

In the interest of not jumping to conclusions, I texted (jeez, R.I.P. Mr. Jobs) an "are you okay or have you disappeared from me" snippet.  A succinct response of "Am okay. Haven't disappeared. Will be back next week" was received.

And then, he disappeared.  Fell off the planet.

Finally, after a couple of weeks, I texted (seriously, Mr. Jobs, your genius is astonishing) 'Why, dude?  Did you win a bet because if so, I want my cut.  You enjoyed my A-Game (of food, dancing, convo, and ummmm, other stuff) and that warrants at the very least a 'hey girl, whatsup?'  I'm low maintenance, not no maintenance."  Response?  "Apologies.  Traveling, sick, work, family in town.  My bad."

"My bad."

I waited a couple more days.

Then being the general smart ass that no doubt is part of the reason for my singledom, "What? No alien abduction?"  And expressing that consideration is important to me and I'm not a chore.  More back and forth via text but upshot was my excusing myself from the affair.

And here's the thing.  My feelings were monumentally hurt during those three weeks of silence.  But I'm reasonably okay, if not the worse for wear.  I'm actually rather glad that, (1) I stepped up and relayed my feelings rather than let them fester and let my boundaries be broached and (2) after all this time and all the awful relationships I've had, I still have feelings to be hurt.  I'm haven't turned into the kind of woman I wouldn't like myself to be.

And honestly, there's something shifty, hinky, shady in all of it that I am sure were I to know what the fuck it is (married, girlfriend, even though I asked and asked), I would be glad it is something in which I am not involved.

I don't want to feel across the board that men lie, and play at stuff, and it's rather disheartening that a 52 year old man thinks it's perfectly fine to behave so poorly, but that's not on me.

I suppose that's something.

Seriously, Steve Jobs is all over this situation and post.  Big fan of text.  I'm not confident I'd have been able to express the same over the phone.  In person, maybe, but then that wasn't available.  My, what the world has lost.

Also, just to be completely vain and self-affirming...  That's me on the right.   I'm still kind of a dish at 55.  


  1. Anonymous1:54 AM

    "Kind of" a dish? Girl, you are gorgeous. Someone out there clearly doesn't know a good thing when he sees it. Sorry to hear it went down that way!

  2. Someone is seriously missing out. Definitely not you.

  3. What a schmuck. Dude doesn't know what he's missing.

  4. Nora Carrington4:52 PM

    I have had to use that "I'm low maintenance, not no maintenance" line more than once, I regret to say. Which is to say, I feel your pain. I also think you're a fox :-)

  5. helensprogeny5:45 PM

    Hicks, you are AWESOME!! Thank you for the update and seriously, good riddance to the man. Love the alien abduction line! I'm so sorry for your disappointment, but you hadn't invested too much time or energy and if it's going to go bad, better it goes bad early so you can get on to the next and better person.

    Also, what SWNC said. Dude doesn't know what he's missing, and he doesn't deserve you. Losers need not apply.

  6. Anonymous3:30 AM

    nice post

  7. Anonymous8:48 AM

    Lexis Nexis is your friend, if you care to look up and see all sorts of stuff.

    1. What the heck does that mean?